Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Who does this belong to???

I found this on the web and instantly fell in-love with the image. The problem is I can't remember the site I found it on. If it's yours, PLEASE let me know, I really want to give you credit for it!!


Wow, time to do my first borrowed meme!! I 'borrowed' this one from Kitty (http://myscratchingpost.blogspot.com/)...

I give you money and send you into the grocery store to pick up 5 items. You can only pick one thing from the following departments, what is it?

Produce: Strawberries

Frozen: Breyers Ice Cream!

Meat: Steak

Dairy: Fat Free Milk

Can Goods: Cream of Mushroom Soup

Let's say we're heading out for a weekend getaway. You're only allowed to bring 3 articles of clothing with you. So, what's in your bag?

(assuming I'm not going to be alone)

Black lace bra

Black lace panties

Silk bathrobe

If I was to listen in on one of your conversations throughout the day, what 4 phrases or words would I be most likely to hear?

Oh please


Good morning Maxx

I love you

So, what 4 things do you find yourself doing every single day, and if you didn't get to do, you probably wouldn't be in the best mood?

Going online

Eating food with no nutritional value whatsoever

Watching tv

Taking a shower

You're driving down the road, and suddenly you're hit with this sense of road rage. What 3 factors probably contributed to it?

I'm running late (which drives me insane no matter what!)

Someone is weaving thru traffic

Music from another car that's so loud it makes MY car vibrate

Sweet, you just scored a whole afternoon to yourself. We're talking a 3 hour block with nobody around. What 5 activities might we find you doing?

Checking for new spanking clips/vids online


Reading DD/spanking stories


Talking on the phone

We're going to the zoo. But, it looks like it could start storming, so it'll have to be a quick visit. What 3 exhibits do we have to get to?


Petting zoo


You just scored tickets to the taping of any show that comes on t.v. of your choice. You can pick 4, so what are you going to see?

Winter Olympics

Summer Olympics

Big Brother

Criminal Minds

You're hungry for ice cream. I'll give you a triple dipper ice cream cone. What 3 flavors can I pile on for ya?


Cherry Vanilla


Somebody stole your purse/wallet…in order to get it back, you have to name 5 things you know are inside to claim it. So, what's in there?


Old employment ID

Library card



You are at a job fair, and asked in what areas you are interested in pursuing a career. Let's pretend you have every talent and ability to be whatever you wanted, so what 4 careers would be fun for you?

Professional submissive

Teacher (math or literature)


Professional photographer

If you could go back and talk to the old you, when you were in high school, and inform yourself of 4 things, what would you say?

Don't settle for anyone who doesn't love you at least as much as you love them

If anyone ever hits you, LEAVE!!... it will happen again no matter what they say

That I won't always be too skinny, so stop eating 2 med pepperoni pizza's now

That I'm probably going to be 'single' forever, build a life for myself that makes ME happy

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Fay was all wet!

Well, TS Fay was nothing more than alot of wind and some rain!!

Hehehehehe, I was right!!!

According to the weather station we got almost 6 inches of rain, but it came down pretty lightly over a day and half. We didn't have any flooding here, but some of the resortish areas just south of me are still pretty flooded.

Oh well, there's aways the next one LOL!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Sleepless nights

I haven't had a good nights sleep in almost a month. Nightmares come in many varieties, as I'm learning. The ones that keep me up, or wake me up and keep me from going back to sleep aren't the ones where scary things are happening. When I wake from those I can tell myself that something like in my dream can't possibly happen and within a few moments I can go back to sleep.

No, the one that keeps me up and wakes me up and won't let me go back to sleep is unique. It's not a 'scary dream', it was once something that made me smile in my sleep.

Last winter I said something to J that I'd never said to anyone, male or female, in my life. Laying together, pulled tightly agianst him, I said "I feel safe. This is the safest place in my universe". I can still hear his response; "good, that's the way it's supposed to be'. Within months he ended us, he took away the only safe place I'd ever known.

In so many ways he was a lousy boyfriend. 5+ years and he'd never commit, never give me more of himself than HE wanted to give. But there was something there, from the very first, that 'clicked' and made 'us' work. Maybe it was the DD, maybe it was that he allowed and accepted my submissive side. Maybe it was the height differential between us that allowed me to feel 'small and feminine' beside him. Maybe it was the strength of his dominant persona... I don't know what it was, I just know that 'it' was.

I can hear myself saying those words to him, feel his hand move away from the small of my back, and wrap around me. He pulled me oh so tightly against his side and kissed my forehead and said "good, that's the way it's supposed to be". And I beleived him. I beleived I would feel safe forever. I'd never felt safe before. I'd always felt like it was me against the world, and in his arms I honestly felt like I was cherished and protected. Not that 'he' could defeat all my demons, but that together we were stronger than any demon.

I lay my head against my pillow, tired in body and mind, and as I enter that place where reality slips away and dreams begin, I hear those words, feel his embrace... and I wake up with tears and my heart breaking anew. I want to make that one memory either go away or come true...

I want to stop having to wipe away fresh tears between keystokes.

Monday, August 18, 2008

TS Fay welcomes me

Yesterday a friend and I spent the day running around shopping. At WalMart there were a bazillion people, and apparently they all felt a compulsive urge to buy bottled water, coolers, flashlights and batteries. Kinda reminded me of Black Friday shoppers right before Y2K LOL!

Tropical Storm Fay is predicted to become Hurricane Fay in the next few hours. This apparently forecasts the end of the world as we knew it in SW Florida! Since when did a hurricane become equal to the end of the world? Isn't a hurricane just a thunderstorm on really good steriods? If I lived thru the Blizzard of 77 and apparently survived, am I supposed to be worried about Fay? As far as I can see, the worst thing that could happen is no electric for a day... aka no tv, radio, or god-forbid Internet access.

Is everyone else over reacting or am I denying that this could be a problem? I thought I had a handle on it until I woke-up around 3am last night worrying about this. Goofy worries too. 'Do I have enough bread?', 'What if the wind is too strong for me to hold onto Maxx?', 'Where can I put my laptop that is hurricane safe?'. None of these are really rational worries if a hurricane really is something that equals disaster, right?

I guess my conern is becoming, am I right, or am I in denial?
I'll report back when Fay goes away and see who's right... me or everyone else...

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Work Night

Well, it's time to get ready to stay up all night again!!

I shouldn't complain about my job: how many people can have a job where they don't have to drive there, where you take the dog, and get paid to read / watch tv / watch dvd's all night? I'd like to say the hardest part of my job is staying awake all night, but that's not the whole story. The hardest part of my job is dealing with complete and utter boredom!

I MISS using my brain!!! I feel like my brain is turing to mush. Everyone says I should get one of those 'work from home on your computer' jobs to do while I'm oh-so-busy staying awake all night, but the only ones I seem to find when I look on the net are pretty much the internet version of stuffing envelopes. Ideally I'd like to find a job where I did bookkeeping 'at home'!! I like working with numbers and it's something I could do for the 8 hours I'm up anyhow. Anyone know of a bookkeeping from home job... PLEASE feel free to contact me LOL!

My 'job' is where I live. We're a gated, private country club and I work at the front gate from 11pm till 7am four nights a week. The timing couldn't have been better, because I got offered the job less than a week after the transmission died in the van. So while I'm dealing with not having a car, at least I'm able to get to work!! Maxx and I pile in the golf cart around 10:30pm and head 'to work'. He actually seems to get exchited about it. When I say 'it's time to go to work Maxx' he jumps up and runs to the garage door. He does do alot more than sleep under the counter at my feet all night long, but at least I don't have to leave him home alone all night.

There's not alot of people to deal with between 11pm and 3 or 4am. Then the newspaper delivery people start showing up. Maxx used to wake up and get all 'frisky' when he'd hear me talking to someone outside, now he just barely lifts his head. He doesn't wake up till 5:30am when the guy who unlocks the community lodge comes to get the keys. You aught to meet this guy! He's like 90 years old, and has been unlocking the 'community' at 5:30am for the last 8 years! He does this 7 days a week, 365 days a year. He says he likes it and he feels like he's doing something vs 'being retired' and he likes to start his day 'productively'!!!

I tend to show up for work around 30 minutes early, and sady I can't say the same for the people who releive me in the mornings. They tend to show up more like 5 minutes to 7am. Maxx has figured out that when the 'key guy' shows up it's getting 'close' to time to go home. He goes out, then comes in and wants to cuddle for a bit. When the sun starts to lighten the sky he wants out again, then he goes straight to the golf cart!!! To him the sun means it's time to go home LOL! I have to convince him to come back 'inside' for about another half-hour or so till our relief shows up. When he hears their golfcart stop infront of the gate-shack he starts jumping at me and goes out the door and jumps into his 'car seat' in the golf cart. He's ready to call it a day LOL!

It's not a hard job, and it's got alot of perks for me right now, but being bored is starting to get to me. Oh well, I guess there has to be some price to living in Paradise.

Monday, August 11, 2008


I moved away from Ohio back in February of this year. Quiet honestly, sometimes I miss it! It's soooo hot here in the Summer that I miss the 'coolness' of Ohio evenings LOL! I know I'm going to miss seeing all the Autumn colors in October, it was always my favorite time of year. I'll probably miss that first time in April when you're outside and suddenly it dawns on you that there's COLOR again! You get so used to a color palete of white (snow), gray (snow mixed with 'salt' on the side of the road), and brown (anything that isn't white or gray), that it's an amazing moment when you suddenly notice things have a tinge of green again.

But, I live in Paradise!!! The average temp in February here is in the mid 70's!!! Arriving here via plane in the Winter is like when Dorothy opened the door to OZ! Suddenly you're overwhelmed by alllll the different colors and how vibrant they are! To see flowers in full-bloom, to pluck a ripe orange (or lemon or grapefruit) off a tree on New Years Eve... it's great!
Even the sunsets here are 'different' than they are up north...

And you never know what you're going to see when you look out the window...

Did you know tree-frogs make noise??? A really obnoxious noise LOL!

This guy's in my front yard...

And there's always a favorite form of recreation LOL...

Yeah, there's definately worse places to live!

My old blog

I miss my old blog this morning. For some reason I want to go back and re-read the posts about how good things were between J and I. I want to go back and remember when things were at their best, when I didn't feel alone and like I was going to feel this way for the rest of my life.

I'm heading 'north' the week of Labor Day to visit friends and then drive my mom back home. Mom has neuothopy in her feet, so while she can drive, she can't drive for more than on hour or two without her feet/calves going numb. Personally I feel better for everyone else on the road if my mom's not on the highway driving with numb feet!

Anyhow, I'm heading back in 3 weeks, and while I'm really looking forward to getting to spend some time visiting (aka shopping my heart out and eating out) with my friends, it's been eating at me that I'll be 'right there' where J is. I flip minute to minute on whether or not to contact him, to see him, so even let him know I'm in the neighborhood.

Maybe it will help me think clearly if I just put it down here...

Yes, see him...

* just show up at his work. Walk in and surprise him. He'll be so shocked to see me he'll run over and pull me into his arms. He'll tell me how much he regrets ending us and ask me to take him back. Definately the least likely senerio.

* call him from his work parking lot and say "hey, wanna take a girl out to dinner?". Then tell him where I am and hear him be happy he's going to get to see me. We go out to dinner and he tells me how he misses me, and I tell him how while it hurt, I'm glad it ended and I've moved on. This one would be a dinner with a huge serving of lies for dessert.

* same as above, but I lead him on during dinner and when he goes to kiss me in the parking lot I slap him across the face and tell him what a wuss I think he was/is for the way he handled things and that I never want to see/hear from him again. Not my style, but makes me wish it was.

No, I don't see him...

* this ones pretty cut and dry. I don't call, I don't let him know I'm in the neighborhood. I spend the entire time I'm up north debating whether to call or not. My biggest concern with this one is that I'll get back down here and regret not having made the call. It's been almost 6 months, aren't I supposed to be past feeling this way yet?

Oh well, I know me, I'll do nothing now and do something (or not do something) spontanious while there. I'll really only have one day when I will have the car and time to do any of the above 'yes' things, so hopefully I'll be so busy and happy that when the thought to call/show up crosses my mind it will be late enough the choice will be made for me!

Damn, does it eventually get easier? I sure hope so!

Sunday, August 10, 2008

My favorite male

This is Maxx!

He's definately the most favored male in my life at this time LOL!

He gives unconditional kisses, is always thrilled to see me come home, and doesn't take up too much of the bed at night (and he doesn't say I snore either!).

What more could a woman want? WEG!

Blog names are tough!!!

You would think that coming up with a name for a blog would be pretty easy... NOT! Thinking up the name is easy, having it be avialable is down-right tough! 'Dear Diary' was taken, 'Just another day in paradise' was already used, even the name of my old blog with another server was gone!!! Soooo, when in doubt, go back to what most people know you as already, right?

I had another blog, and I poured my heart and soul into it. But the relationship it was designed to help me with is over, so maybe having that blog disappear was fates way of telling me to start over in more ways than one...

My intention with this blog is to have someplace where I can spill my innermost worries, thoughts, joys, concerns, hopes... and just a bunch of boring stuff sometimes LOL!

PLEASE respond here! I had alot of hits on my old blog, but very few comments. This time it would be really nice to know I'm not alone out here in cyberland :)