Tuesday, February 24, 2009

5 week semi-vacation

Put Mom on a plane this morning!!!

YIPPIE!!!

I don't want it to sound like she's a terrible person, she's not. It's just that we see the world so very differently and we wear at each other. I know I'm becoming someone who reacts in ways I'm not proud of, so it's not all her. I'm just really looking forward to this next 5 weeks because it gives me a chance to find myself again and hopefully lose the edge I've been developing.

One of the things I really want to do in the next 5 weeks is embrace ME again. Last night was an epiphany night for me. I over-reacted to an email, then was surprised when I felt guilty for how I'd reacted to it. I did something I wouldn't have done lately and apologized, sincerely and honestly.

Talking on the phone with a wonderful person later that evening I realized I AM a submissive woman and that it's not something I have to be embarrassed by, or try to justify to myself. It's not about making a choice between what I 'think' I should be and what I 'want' to be... I just need to be who I am and embrace that side of myself. Sure, there are things to be worked out, and that's normal. Nothing is perfect, but I need to do what it is that makes me feel perfectly right in my own head and heart.

I am who I am, and by God that's nothing to be embarrassed about :)

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