Lonely

It's been 8 months since J broke up with me, shouldn't it have stopped hurting by now? Somedays I feel strong and past him, some days I feel lost and miss him/us so much it still makes me cry. He's invaded my dreams again, so now I can't even find solice in sleeping.

When I was talking to Sir G the other day he reminded me of something important. He'd asked me once what word I would use to describe my emotions while dating J. I used the word lonely. I was lonely alot. He kept me at either arms length or pulled tightly against his heart, there never seemed to be a middle ground. I wish I could remember the lonely times more often, then maybe I wouldn't still be feeling so damn lonely now.

But instead of remembering the lonely times, I just wish he'd come back again and let me into his life, into the 'middle ground'. When does this end???