16 hours ago
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
I've got a million things to blog about, but hardly any time to do it. I promise I'll be back SOON to do it, but for now, here's a semi-boring meme LOL...
* * *
1. Is sex best in the morning, afternoon, or night?
– All of the above. With the right person there’s no wrong time!
2. On which side of the bed do you sleep?
– If you’re facing the bed you’ll find me on the left side
3. Pork, beef, or chicken?
– Thick-cut pork chop, T-bone or KFC? All of the above!
4. Have you ever had to pull over on the side of the road to puke?
– Only after drugs for an MRI
5. What leg do you put in pants first when putting them on?
– Both.
6. Candles or incense?
– Candles are romantic and smell good, incense reminds me of when I was trying to cover the smell of something else I’d ‘burned’ in the room (way back when lol)
7. Do you dance when no one is watching?
– Definitely
8. Did you play doctor when you were little?
– No
9. Stove top cooking, grill or microwave?
– Grill
10. Would you rather your car or your house be dirty?
– Car
11. Shower or bath?
– Shower if I’m in a hurry, bubble bath to pamper myself
12. Do you pee in the shower?
– Eww! No!
13. Mexican or Chinese food?
– Mexican… yum!
14. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
– Aggressive I guess, definitely not passive, prefer ‘assertive’ WEG!
15. Do you own sex toys?
– I wish I owned stock in Duracell!
16. Corn dogs or hot dogs?
– Neither, I can’t stand hot dogs no matter what you cover them in
17. Your favorite restaurant?
– I haven’t found one here
18. What did you have for lunch today?
– With my work schedule, I eat ‘lunch’ at 3am. Today it will be roast beef and garlic mashed potatoes (dinner leftovers lol)
19. When did you last fall down?
– About a month ago when my back went out, I fell trying to get out of the shower
20. Have you ever wished someone were dead?
– Not proud of it, but yes
21. Love or money?
– Love
22. Credit cards or cash?
– Cash
23. Has there ever been anyone in your family you wish wasn’t?
– I should have been an only child, what a shame my parents had 2 other children after me!
24. Oreo’s or vanilla wafers?
– Depends on my mood. They’ve changed vanilla wafers, so they’re not my first choice anymore.
25. How do you like your steak cooked?
– Medium well. No pink.
26. How do you like your eggs cooked?
– I don’t much care how you cook them so long as the whites are firm and the yellows are warm/hot and runny!
27. Have you ever knocked someone off their feet in a fight?
– Sadly yes. Shouldn’t the things we do when we’re 18 should be wiped out of memories when we ‘grow – up’?
28. Would you rather go camping or to a five star hotel?
– Room service vs bugs and dirt? I like being spoiled, so how about a six star hotel? LOL!
29. Would you rather have a root canal or minor surgery?
– Definitely surgery
30. Would you shave your entire body (including your head) for money?
– For enough money I’d do it… heck, I shave everything but my head for free, so why not?
31. Would you rather have lice or an STD?
– No, no, no!!! Went through the lice – thing with my kids when they were in elementary school, I’d rather have nearly anything but lice!
32. What’s your favorite hard candy?
– Life Savers
33. Ever been to a strip club?
– Yup
34. Ever been to a bar?
– Yes
35. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club?
– Yes, see question #27
36. Ever been so drunk you had to be carried out of somewhere?
– No
37. Kissed someone of the same sex?
– Yes
38. Had sex in the car?
– Yes, not an experience I’d like to repeat unless it’s a van or SUV!
39. Had sex at the beach?
– No
40. Had sex in a movie theater?
– No
41. Had sex in a bathroom?
– Yes, in the shower.
42. Have you ever been in an "adult" store?
– Many.
43. Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with?
– Umm, yeah.
44. Have you been caught having sex?
– Never caught, but definitely ‘interrupted’ when almost caught!
45. Have you ever kissed a stranger?
– Yes, he became my ex – husband… No more kissing strangers for me LOL!
46. Does anyone have naughty pictures of you?
– Pictures, no. Unless he erased it, video – yes WEG!
* * *
1. Is sex best in the morning, afternoon, or night?
– All of the above. With the right person there’s no wrong time!
2. On which side of the bed do you sleep?
– If you’re facing the bed you’ll find me on the left side
3. Pork, beef, or chicken?
– Thick-cut pork chop, T-bone or KFC? All of the above!
4. Have you ever had to pull over on the side of the road to puke?
– Only after drugs for an MRI
5. What leg do you put in pants first when putting them on?
– Both.
6. Candles or incense?
– Candles are romantic and smell good, incense reminds me of when I was trying to cover the smell of something else I’d ‘burned’ in the room (way back when lol)
7. Do you dance when no one is watching?
– Definitely
8. Did you play doctor when you were little?
– No
9. Stove top cooking, grill or microwave?
– Grill
10. Would you rather your car or your house be dirty?
– Car
11. Shower or bath?
– Shower if I’m in a hurry, bubble bath to pamper myself
12. Do you pee in the shower?
– Eww! No!
13. Mexican or Chinese food?
– Mexican… yum!
14. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
– Aggressive I guess, definitely not passive, prefer ‘assertive’ WEG!
15. Do you own sex toys?
– I wish I owned stock in Duracell!
16. Corn dogs or hot dogs?
– Neither, I can’t stand hot dogs no matter what you cover them in
17. Your favorite restaurant?
– I haven’t found one here
18. What did you have for lunch today?
– With my work schedule, I eat ‘lunch’ at 3am. Today it will be roast beef and garlic mashed potatoes (dinner leftovers lol)
19. When did you last fall down?
– About a month ago when my back went out, I fell trying to get out of the shower
20. Have you ever wished someone were dead?
– Not proud of it, but yes
21. Love or money?
– Love
22. Credit cards or cash?
– Cash
23. Has there ever been anyone in your family you wish wasn’t?
– I should have been an only child, what a shame my parents had 2 other children after me!
24. Oreo’s or vanilla wafers?
– Depends on my mood. They’ve changed vanilla wafers, so they’re not my first choice anymore.
25. How do you like your steak cooked?
– Medium well. No pink.
26. How do you like your eggs cooked?
– I don’t much care how you cook them so long as the whites are firm and the yellows are warm/hot and runny!
27. Have you ever knocked someone off their feet in a fight?
– Sadly yes. Shouldn’t the things we do when we’re 18 should be wiped out of memories when we ‘grow – up’?
28. Would you rather go camping or to a five star hotel?
– Room service vs bugs and dirt? I like being spoiled, so how about a six star hotel? LOL!
29. Would you rather have a root canal or minor surgery?
– Definitely surgery
30. Would you shave your entire body (including your head) for money?
– For enough money I’d do it… heck, I shave everything but my head for free, so why not?
31. Would you rather have lice or an STD?
– No, no, no!!! Went through the lice – thing with my kids when they were in elementary school, I’d rather have nearly anything but lice!
32. What’s your favorite hard candy?
– Life Savers
33. Ever been to a strip club?
– Yup
34. Ever been to a bar?
– Yes
35. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club?
– Yes, see question #27
36. Ever been so drunk you had to be carried out of somewhere?
– No
37. Kissed someone of the same sex?
– Yes
38. Had sex in the car?
– Yes, not an experience I’d like to repeat unless it’s a van or SUV!
39. Had sex at the beach?
– No
40. Had sex in a movie theater?
– No
41. Had sex in a bathroom?
– Yes, in the shower.
42. Have you ever been in an "adult" store?
– Many.
43. Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with?
– Umm, yeah.
44. Have you been caught having sex?
– Never caught, but definitely ‘interrupted’ when almost caught!
45. Have you ever kissed a stranger?
– Yes, he became my ex – husband… No more kissing strangers for me LOL!
46. Does anyone have naughty pictures of you?
– Pictures, no. Unless he erased it, video – yes WEG!
Sunday, November 16, 2008
A very chilly Sunday!
Wow it was chilly here last night!!! It got down to 50F!!! Yeah, I know, I'm a wimp LOL!!! But Saturday the high here was in the mid 80's (with a 'feels like' of over 90F), and currently it's a whomping 60F and breezy!!! I've left my bathroom window open for weeks, and this morning 2 of the houseplants in there were all shriveled and dead from getting too cold :(
I went with CR to the movies today. We went to see The Changeling...
... It was wonderful!! Anyone who hasn't seen it yet I highly recommend it, and suggest that if you go to see it that you hit the bathroom before you find your seat, and DON'T get the large pop LOL! There's no point in this movie when you won't miss something important to the story if you have to make a bathroom run! We saw it at the 9:35am showing and had the entire theater to ourselves! Gotta tell ya, I LIKE having my pick of seats and being able to talk to my movie-mate and not have anyone shushing us... or eavesdropping on 'interesting' chatter WEG!
I don't get out often enough, especially not to just bop around and 'windowshop' to my hearts content. I think I went to 20 stores today, and aside from groceries at Publix, the biggest purchase I made today was a bunch of starter house plants. I like having living plants around me, and the temperate weather and amount of sunshine here has them growing like weeds! Tomorrow I have 12 'baby' plants to put into pots and find homes for around the house. Not all 12 are new, I had some of them just waiting to get stronger before I transplanted them, but tomorrow is definately going to be a dirt-under-the-fingernails day :)
My back is still messed up, but a LOT better then it was 2 weeks ago!!! I can atleast walk upright now... even if I do walk slow LOL! I had my back-support brace off most of today, and it's aching like a bad toothache right now, but I'll take aching over shooting pain any day of the week :)
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Little did I know...
... that when I moved to Paradise I'd end up living in Hell!
I moved away from snow and a crummy job. Where I live now has beautiful weather, sunshine and beaches. Little did I know that living with my mother would be torture, hell on earth almost every day.
She asked me to move here, I didn't invite myself. Before I agreed to move here we agreed she wouldn't be my 'mother', she'd be my roommate. HA!!! When she's not treating me like I'm 3 years old, she's acting like she is!
I all but get reminded to wipe my own butt!! Today I got reminded that I need to do laundry. When I said I'd done my laundry on Sunday, she literally came in to see how much was in my laundry basket! Never mind that it's none of her business when I need to do laundry, I mean I am smart enough to know when I'm running out of clean panties all by myself, but to actually come in a check?? GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Because I work from 11pm to 7am, on the first day of the week that I'm going to work I lay down to take a nap in the afternoon. Forgetting I'd been laid up in bed with my back out for most of the day, at 4pm I was talking to her and said I was going to try to take a nap now. She headed to another part of the house and I closed my eyes. I guess I was pretty tired because the next thing I knew she's standing over me jostling my HIP to wake me up. Apparently she'd gotten a phone call and didn't know the answer to the callers question, so therefore I had to be woken up to tell her what the answer was. Two major problem with this, 1) I had no idea what she was talking about let alone the answer to the question, but 2) IT WAS 4:30!!!! I'd gotten to sleep for a whole whopping 30 minutes!! I bit my lip for at least 5 minutes while I PATIENTLY explained I had no way to know that it was she wanted me to tell her, when I said that maybe the next time she could tell a caller that she wanted to ask me and would call them back?!?!?! Oh yeah, THIS resulted in huffing and puffing and my bedroom door being slammed shut hard enough it knocked something off the top of my tv.
She has apparently decided she wants to clean the carpet on the lanai this coming weekend. She decided this yesterday, when I'm laid up in bed almost totally unable to move. She goes on and on about how dirty the carpet in there must be and how it 'just has to be' cleaned immediately, but... since I have to work and sleep she supposes she'll have to live 'with the dirt' till the weekend... and then I get pouty 'tude about how she supposes I'll just lay and watch her work due to my back!!!!!!!! Hello??? Oh, did I miss the part where I somehow knew she was going to pick this weekend to clean the carpet and therefore intentionally threw out my back to mess up her internal timeline?
Everyday is a new something for her to pick about. She misplaces something, she immediately asks ME where I put it, and when it's located in HER stuff she literally sulks!!! No 'gee sorry', no 'oups'... somehow she finds a way to sulk and act like it's my fault she can't find something SHE misplaced.
One day she'd like me to do something because I know how to do it better than she does (her words, not mine!), then the next day I'm too stupid to know whether or not I took the trash can to the curb that morning. By the way, instead of looking out the front wall on windows in the room she's in, or out the open door to the garage where you would normally see the trashcan, she calls my name and makes me come to her and then asks me if I took out the trash can. Ummm, you can see it 20 feet away, in the sunshine, by the curb, by simply looking left vs right!!! I've given up on pointing this out to her because then I get muttered comments about apparently being 'too busy' to just do what she tells me to.
The examples above are literally things that have happened this week (and it's only Wednesday!). Every week, every day has it's own example. There are days when I'd sell my body for enough money to have a car, simply so I could go away and live in it vs living with this pettiness every single day.
When I get a phone call, I find out 5 minutes (or more) later if she answered the phone. She's had nosy, non-of her business conversations with MY friends when they call me before she ever tells me the call is for me. If I get call when we're watching tv, I have to leave the room to talk because she just keeps turning up the volume on the tv till I can't hear my call, yet she comes in and talks on the phone and I better not even dare to turn up the tv. When I want to have a personal, private conversation, I leave the house and go sit outside to have some privacy. Well, there is no privacy for me here. If I'm not back almost immediately, she follows me and finds 'something' to do where I am so that she can not only eavesdrop, but give me her comments on MY conversation while I'm still trying to have a conversation. A closed bedroom door means nothing here. She's gone thru my closet, my laundry, gives comments on anything of mine she happens to see. It's like living in prison in a really nice environment. I take that back, when I worked in a prison, the offenders had more privacy than I do, at least no one just walked in on THEM when they were trying to take a shower!
I think the kicker was when we were grocery shopping and I put some batteries into MY basket of stuff. She asked me why I needed batteries, and when I failed to answer she said (in that oh so loud tone mothers have perfected to embarrass their children) that I must need it for that 'nasty vibrating thing' I have IN THE CLOSED BOX ON MY DRESSER! Know what? She was right!
So if anyone reading this thinks I'm lucky to live in paradise... wanna trade?
I moved away from snow and a crummy job. Where I live now has beautiful weather, sunshine and beaches. Little did I know that living with my mother would be torture, hell on earth almost every day.
She asked me to move here, I didn't invite myself. Before I agreed to move here we agreed she wouldn't be my 'mother', she'd be my roommate. HA!!! When she's not treating me like I'm 3 years old, she's acting like she is!
I all but get reminded to wipe my own butt!! Today I got reminded that I need to do laundry. When I said I'd done my laundry on Sunday, she literally came in to see how much was in my laundry basket! Never mind that it's none of her business when I need to do laundry, I mean I am smart enough to know when I'm running out of clean panties all by myself, but to actually come in a check?? GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Because I work from 11pm to 7am, on the first day of the week that I'm going to work I lay down to take a nap in the afternoon. Forgetting I'd been laid up in bed with my back out for most of the day, at 4pm I was talking to her and said I was going to try to take a nap now. She headed to another part of the house and I closed my eyes. I guess I was pretty tired because the next thing I knew she's standing over me jostling my HIP to wake me up. Apparently she'd gotten a phone call and didn't know the answer to the callers question, so therefore I had to be woken up to tell her what the answer was. Two major problem with this, 1) I had no idea what she was talking about let alone the answer to the question, but 2) IT WAS 4:30!!!! I'd gotten to sleep for a whole whopping 30 minutes!! I bit my lip for at least 5 minutes while I PATIENTLY explained I had no way to know that it was she wanted me to tell her, when I said that maybe the next time she could tell a caller that she wanted to ask me and would call them back?!?!?! Oh yeah, THIS resulted in huffing and puffing and my bedroom door being slammed shut hard enough it knocked something off the top of my tv.
She has apparently decided she wants to clean the carpet on the lanai this coming weekend. She decided this yesterday, when I'm laid up in bed almost totally unable to move. She goes on and on about how dirty the carpet in there must be and how it 'just has to be' cleaned immediately, but... since I have to work and sleep she supposes she'll have to live 'with the dirt' till the weekend... and then I get pouty 'tude about how she supposes I'll just lay and watch her work due to my back!!!!!!!! Hello??? Oh, did I miss the part where I somehow knew she was going to pick this weekend to clean the carpet and therefore intentionally threw out my back to mess up her internal timeline?
Everyday is a new something for her to pick about. She misplaces something, she immediately asks ME where I put it, and when it's located in HER stuff she literally sulks!!! No 'gee sorry', no 'oups'... somehow she finds a way to sulk and act like it's my fault she can't find something SHE misplaced.
One day she'd like me to do something because I know how to do it better than she does (her words, not mine!), then the next day I'm too stupid to know whether or not I took the trash can to the curb that morning. By the way, instead of looking out the front wall on windows in the room she's in, or out the open door to the garage where you would normally see the trashcan, she calls my name and makes me come to her and then asks me if I took out the trash can. Ummm, you can see it 20 feet away, in the sunshine, by the curb, by simply looking left vs right!!! I've given up on pointing this out to her because then I get muttered comments about apparently being 'too busy' to just do what she tells me to.
The examples above are literally things that have happened this week (and it's only Wednesday!). Every week, every day has it's own example. There are days when I'd sell my body for enough money to have a car, simply so I could go away and live in it vs living with this pettiness every single day.
When I get a phone call, I find out 5 minutes (or more) later if she answered the phone. She's had nosy, non-of her business conversations with MY friends when they call me before she ever tells me the call is for me. If I get call when we're watching tv, I have to leave the room to talk because she just keeps turning up the volume on the tv till I can't hear my call, yet she comes in and talks on the phone and I better not even dare to turn up the tv. When I want to have a personal, private conversation, I leave the house and go sit outside to have some privacy. Well, there is no privacy for me here. If I'm not back almost immediately, she follows me and finds 'something' to do where I am so that she can not only eavesdrop, but give me her comments on MY conversation while I'm still trying to have a conversation. A closed bedroom door means nothing here. She's gone thru my closet, my laundry, gives comments on anything of mine she happens to see. It's like living in prison in a really nice environment. I take that back, when I worked in a prison, the offenders had more privacy than I do, at least no one just walked in on THEM when they were trying to take a shower!
I think the kicker was when we were grocery shopping and I put some batteries into MY basket of stuff. She asked me why I needed batteries, and when I failed to answer she said (in that oh so loud tone mothers have perfected to embarrass their children) that I must need it for that 'nasty vibrating thing' I have IN THE CLOSED BOX ON MY DRESSER! Know what? She was right!
So if anyone reading this thinks I'm lucky to live in paradise... wanna trade?
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Sciatica
Well, it's happened again, my back has got out. It started to bother me last Thursday, and I was managing to pamper it into not becoming worse. Then yesterday when I had Maxx at the vet, it locked up and went totally out. My right hip is acting up now, and I'd really like to have a rx for some pretty decent pain drugs and a muscle relaxer!!! I'm going to head to the hot tub around 6pm and hope that some heat therapy will make it feel good enough to get me thru work tonight. I had the chance to work last night, but had to turn it down because I simply couldn't move.
Well, poor Maxx is neutered!!! It was when I lifted him up onto the exam table at the vets that my back went out (and he only weights 11.1 pounds!). Mom went with me to pick him up in the afternoon since I couldn't lift him up to even put him into the car for the ride home. He slept most of the day, and when he wasn't sleeping he was whimpering and looking at where his 'boo boo' is. Poor baby, he'd look there, give it a lick and then look at me like 'what did they do with it?'. I had to put one of those silly halo's on him for awhile becuase he was licking too much and while they stitched the 'inner' wound closed, they only super glued the surface area.
I sent an email the other day that I was glad I sent. Problem is I haven't heard a response to the email yet, and the more time goes by the more I'm wondering if I didn't make a mistake in sending it in the first place. I could have written the email easily, only easy wouldn't have been honest. Instead I wrote a very honest email and waiting to hear a response to it is driving me insane.
Well, my back is telling me I've been gone from the heating pad and bed more than long enough. I have got to get to work tonight, so I've got to spend as much time pampering my back between now and then as I can.
Well, poor Maxx is neutered!!! It was when I lifted him up onto the exam table at the vets that my back went out (and he only weights 11.1 pounds!). Mom went with me to pick him up in the afternoon since I couldn't lift him up to even put him into the car for the ride home. He slept most of the day, and when he wasn't sleeping he was whimpering and looking at where his 'boo boo' is. Poor baby, he'd look there, give it a lick and then look at me like 'what did they do with it?'. I had to put one of those silly halo's on him for awhile becuase he was licking too much and while they stitched the 'inner' wound closed, they only super glued the surface area.
I sent an email the other day that I was glad I sent. Problem is I haven't heard a response to the email yet, and the more time goes by the more I'm wondering if I didn't make a mistake in sending it in the first place. I could have written the email easily, only easy wouldn't have been honest. Instead I wrote a very honest email and waiting to hear a response to it is driving me insane.
Well, my back is telling me I've been gone from the heating pad and bed more than long enough. I have got to get to work tonight, so I've got to spend as much time pampering my back between now and then as I can.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Sleepless in Paradise
Grrr! I can't sleep!!! I was up at 6:30 this morning after getting less than 4 hours of sleep last night and it's now after 1am, why oh why am I wide awake??? Around 3 this afternoon I got tired and thought of laying down to take a nap, but decided to resist the urge. My thought was that by being awake long enough I'd SLEEP tonight, really sleep, the restful, deep, peaceful type. Instead it's 1:05am (or 2:05am according to my body) and I'm wide awake!!!
I have actually slept deeply, if not 'longly', for the last couple of nights/days. I'm starting to find peace of mind over something that has bothered me for a long time, and that peace of mind definitely translated into my sleep improving.
Until tonight :(
I want to go to sleep. I want to dream and wake up feeling rested again. Being awake has be over-thinking things in my head again, and that's definitely not conducive to my getting to sleep any time soon.
Part of what's bothering me is worrying over friends. One is going thru panic attack issues, and I feel for him and his wife. I know from experience how hard this can be for both partners to deal with. Another is facing some serious financial issues. It's one of those times when you'd like to win the lottery so you can help someone who truly deserves to be helped, yet since I haven't won the lottery there's nothing I can do but try to be there and listen. Another friend has ended her marriage and seems to be having way too much fun! Not that I don't think she deserves to have as much fun as possible, I just wonder how much of her fun is to keep from feeling the things I'm pretty sure she's feeling. When I think my life is messed-up, I think of them and know things could be worse for me. Yet in a way I'm also kinda jealous, because no matter how hard life is for them right now, they each have loving partners to go thru this with. No matter how today went for them, right now they're all curled up in bed beside someone who loves them, and I'm sleeping alone in a king size bed.
I have an email I'm supposed to be writing for someone. What I'm supposed to be writing about should be a snap for me to do, but it's actually turning out to be really hard. I know how I want to write it, what I want to say, but I'm not sure if in doing that I'm being honest. What was, isn't now, so do I write based on the way things used to be or based on the confusion I feel now. Do I write my fantasy, my 'happy', or do I admit I'm scared? Do I write that I don't know what will happen, what I want is what was, but I'm afraid of what has changed. Maybe I'll write my 'happy' and hope that the email makes the receiver realize that 'happy' is a good thing.
Well, I'm going to go cuddle with Maxx now and hope his sleeping makes me sleepy too LOL! Poor baby gets neutered on Monday... hope he forgives me!
I have actually slept deeply, if not 'longly', for the last couple of nights/days. I'm starting to find peace of mind over something that has bothered me for a long time, and that peace of mind definitely translated into my sleep improving.
Until tonight :(
I want to go to sleep. I want to dream and wake up feeling rested again. Being awake has be over-thinking things in my head again, and that's definitely not conducive to my getting to sleep any time soon.
Part of what's bothering me is worrying over friends. One is going thru panic attack issues, and I feel for him and his wife. I know from experience how hard this can be for both partners to deal with. Another is facing some serious financial issues. It's one of those times when you'd like to win the lottery so you can help someone who truly deserves to be helped, yet since I haven't won the lottery there's nothing I can do but try to be there and listen. Another friend has ended her marriage and seems to be having way too much fun! Not that I don't think she deserves to have as much fun as possible, I just wonder how much of her fun is to keep from feeling the things I'm pretty sure she's feeling. When I think my life is messed-up, I think of them and know things could be worse for me. Yet in a way I'm also kinda jealous, because no matter how hard life is for them right now, they each have loving partners to go thru this with. No matter how today went for them, right now they're all curled up in bed beside someone who loves them, and I'm sleeping alone in a king size bed.
I have an email I'm supposed to be writing for someone. What I'm supposed to be writing about should be a snap for me to do, but it's actually turning out to be really hard. I know how I want to write it, what I want to say, but I'm not sure if in doing that I'm being honest. What was, isn't now, so do I write based on the way things used to be or based on the confusion I feel now. Do I write my fantasy, my 'happy', or do I admit I'm scared? Do I write that I don't know what will happen, what I want is what was, but I'm afraid of what has changed. Maybe I'll write my 'happy' and hope that the email makes the receiver realize that 'happy' is a good thing.
Well, I'm going to go cuddle with Maxx now and hope his sleeping makes me sleepy too LOL! Poor baby gets neutered on Monday... hope he forgives me!
Friday, October 31, 2008
Friday night
It's been a long week, but a pretty good one :)
I worked last night 11p to 7a, then again today from 3p to 11p... yes, I'm tired!!! But it made for a 40 hour week, so I'm not complaining. Next week is going to be 40 hours again, so at least one of my paychecks in the next few months will be nice LOL!
I did something the other day that I'm really glad I got to do. Not sure how it's going to turn out, but it's better already than it was before :)
Early appt to get my haircut in the morning then hitting Bealls for their 'early bell ringer' sale!!! Time to buy a new robe... and shoes!!! WEG!
I worked last night 11p to 7a, then again today from 3p to 11p... yes, I'm tired!!! But it made for a 40 hour week, so I'm not complaining. Next week is going to be 40 hours again, so at least one of my paychecks in the next few months will be nice LOL!
I did something the other day that I'm really glad I got to do. Not sure how it's going to turn out, but it's better already than it was before :)
Early appt to get my haircut in the morning then hitting Bealls for their 'early bell ringer' sale!!! Time to buy a new robe... and shoes!!! WEG!
Thursday, October 30, 2008
How come I can't be 'the girl'?
Picture it, I'm sitting on the lanai with my mom watching tv. Suddenly she shrieks like 'a girl' and starts flailing around. I jump and look over and there's a 'palmetto bug' on the footrest of her recliner. Her screeches are "get it! oh get it!".
How come I'M supposed to 'get it'? How come I'm not 'the girl' too? Don't I get to be the one who screeches and flails and waits for someone else to 'get it'?
Ok, yes, I 'got it'. It took about 20 minutes (dang those things are fast and hide well in a recliner!), but I 'got it' with a tissue and 'freed it' outside.
Geeze, when do I get to be 'the girl'??
I guess when it comes to 'getting it' Mom gets to be the girl... but I know exactly what area's I'm 'the girl' at... and bugs are NOT involved ;)
How come I'M supposed to 'get it'? How come I'm not 'the girl' too? Don't I get to be the one who screeches and flails and waits for someone else to 'get it'?
Ok, yes, I 'got it'. It took about 20 minutes (dang those things are fast and hide well in a recliner!), but I 'got it' with a tissue and 'freed it' outside.
Geeze, when do I get to be 'the girl'??
I guess when it comes to 'getting it' Mom gets to be the girl... but I know exactly what area's I'm 'the girl' at... and bugs are NOT involved ;)
Monday, October 27, 2008
Scary but true!
You Are a Doris!
"I must help others."
Dorises are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs.
How to Get Along with Me
* Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
* Share fun times with me.
* Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.
* Let me know that I am important and special to you.
* Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.
What I Like About Being a Doris
* being able to relate easily to people and to make friends
* knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better
* being generous, caring, and warm
* being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings
* being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor
What's Hard About Being a Doris
* not being able to say no
* feeling drained from overdoing for others
* not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish
* criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should
* working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings
Don't they know...
My friends, people who's opinions I respect greatly, have been spending the last few months trying soooo hard to help me thru the break-up. They've listened to me cry, rant, rage, blame myself, ask why a million times. Basically they've been wonderful and I'm shocked they're not fed-up with my attitude swings on this topic.
Yes, sometimes I am over it, but those moments are rare and short-lived. What they're not hearing is how almost constantly my heart still aches. Honestly, it's not just my heart that aches, it's my arms that miss laying across his chest, it's my hands that miss the feel of his body, it's my mouth that misses the taste of him. I miss his smell, his taste, the sound of his voice. I crave feeling him holding my arm gently behind me headed to my bedroom. I miss the feel of his lips kissing me, the feel of his arms when they'd close around me. I miss feeling safe, as if together we were stronger than anything that could come at us. It wasn't about money, it wasn't about 'stuff', it was something more... I miss just looking over and seeing him there. I find myself waking up in the middle of the night with my mouth nursing him, only he's not there. I still wake up several times a week with tears in my eyes. I'm not over this, and I'm not sure how I feel about it.
I want to be past it because it just hurts so much. But if I get over it then it's like I've lost something beyond measure. Damnit, I felt my world tilt the first time I saw him, and for everyday thereafter I felt my heart 'thump' when I'd hear his voice. We were apart for 3 years, and even during the relationship I was in for those 3 years he haunted my dreams and never left my thoughts.
I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I accepted him for who he was and loved the man he tried to hide and protect. I made mistakes during our relationship, but they only showed me how much HE was what I wanted, that no one was going to take his place in my soul. I was scared about this move, and I know it had to be hard for him. too But the best things in life are sometimes the things that are the hardest to achieve. We were worth the effort.
November is coming. I know he'll probably be in my area soon. If not November, then between Christmas and New Years. The idea of him so close yet so far is killing me.
I have a song lyric haunting me for the last few days. "Don't they know it's the end of the world, it ended when you said goodbye". Don't they know I still miss him, miss us, miss the future we could have had together? Doesn't he know what he said he did as the right thing for me is slowly destroying my life? Doesn't he know he can come back and know I'll still love him?
Yes, sometimes I am over it, but those moments are rare and short-lived. What they're not hearing is how almost constantly my heart still aches. Honestly, it's not just my heart that aches, it's my arms that miss laying across his chest, it's my hands that miss the feel of his body, it's my mouth that misses the taste of him. I miss his smell, his taste, the sound of his voice. I crave feeling him holding my arm gently behind me headed to my bedroom. I miss the feel of his lips kissing me, the feel of his arms when they'd close around me. I miss feeling safe, as if together we were stronger than anything that could come at us. It wasn't about money, it wasn't about 'stuff', it was something more... I miss just looking over and seeing him there. I find myself waking up in the middle of the night with my mouth nursing him, only he's not there. I still wake up several times a week with tears in my eyes. I'm not over this, and I'm not sure how I feel about it.
I want to be past it because it just hurts so much. But if I get over it then it's like I've lost something beyond measure. Damnit, I felt my world tilt the first time I saw him, and for everyday thereafter I felt my heart 'thump' when I'd hear his voice. We were apart for 3 years, and even during the relationship I was in for those 3 years he haunted my dreams and never left my thoughts.
I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I accepted him for who he was and loved the man he tried to hide and protect. I made mistakes during our relationship, but they only showed me how much HE was what I wanted, that no one was going to take his place in my soul. I was scared about this move, and I know it had to be hard for him. too But the best things in life are sometimes the things that are the hardest to achieve. We were worth the effort.
November is coming. I know he'll probably be in my area soon. If not November, then between Christmas and New Years. The idea of him so close yet so far is killing me.
I have a song lyric haunting me for the last few days. "Don't they know it's the end of the world, it ended when you said goodbye". Don't they know I still miss him, miss us, miss the future we could have had together? Doesn't he know what he said he did as the right thing for me is slowly destroying my life? Doesn't he know he can come back and know I'll still love him?
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