Little did I know...

... that when I moved to Paradise I'd end up living in Hell!

I moved away from snow and a crummy job. Where I live now has beautiful weather, sunshine and beaches. Little did I know that living with my mother would be torture, hell on earth almost every day.

She asked me to move here, I didn't invite myself. Before I agreed to move here we agreed she wouldn't be my 'mother', she'd be my roommate. HA!!! When she's not treating me like I'm 3 years old, she's acting like she is!

I all but get reminded to wipe my own butt!! Today I got reminded that I need to do laundry. When I said I'd done my laundry on Sunday, she literally came in to see how much was in my laundry basket! Never mind that it's none of her business when I need to do laundry, I mean I am smart enough to know when I'm running out of clean panties all by myself, but to actually come in a check?? GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Because I work from 11pm to 7am, on the first day of the week that I'm going to work I lay down to take a nap in the afternoon. Forgetting I'd been laid up in bed with my back out for most of the day, at 4pm I was talking to her and said I was going to try to take a nap now. She headed to another part of the house and I closed my eyes. I guess I was pretty tired because the next thing I knew she's standing over me jostling my HIP to wake me up. Apparently she'd gotten a phone call and didn't know the answer to the callers question, so therefore I had to be woken up to tell her what the answer was. Two major problem with this, 1) I had no idea what she was talking about let alone the answer to the question, but 2) IT WAS 4:30!!!! I'd gotten to sleep for a whole whopping 30 minutes!! I bit my lip for at least 5 minutes while I PATIENTLY explained I had no way to know that it was she wanted me to tell her, when I said that maybe the next time she could tell a caller that she wanted to ask me and would call them back?!?!?! Oh yeah, THIS resulted in huffing and puffing and my bedroom door being slammed shut hard enough it knocked something off the top of my tv.

She has apparently decided she wants to clean the carpet on the lanai this coming weekend. She decided this yesterday, when I'm laid up in bed almost totally unable to move. She goes on and on about how dirty the carpet in there must be and how it 'just has to be' cleaned immediately, but... since I have to work and sleep she supposes she'll have to live 'with the dirt' till the weekend... and then I get pouty 'tude about how she supposes I'll just lay and watch her work due to my back!!!!!!!! Hello??? Oh, did I miss the part where I somehow knew she was going to pick this weekend to clean the carpet and therefore intentionally threw out my back to mess up her internal timeline?

Everyday is a new something for her to pick about. She misplaces something, she immediately asks ME where I put it, and when it's located in HER stuff she literally sulks!!! No 'gee sorry', no 'oups'... somehow she finds a way to sulk and act like it's my fault she can't find something SHE misplaced.

One day she'd like me to do something because I know how to do it better than she does (her words, not mine!), then the next day I'm too stupid to know whether or not I took the trash can to the curb that morning. By the way, instead of looking out the front wall on windows in the room she's in, or out the open door to the garage where you would normally see the trashcan, she calls my name and makes me come to her and then asks me if I took out the trash can. Ummm, you can see it 20 feet away, in the sunshine, by the curb, by simply looking left vs right!!! I've given up on pointing this out to her because then I get muttered comments about apparently being 'too busy' to just do what she tells me to.

The examples above are literally things that have happened this week (and it's only Wednesday!). Every week, every day has it's own example. There are days when I'd sell my body for enough money to have a car, simply so I could go away and live in it vs living with this pettiness every single day.

When I get a phone call, I find out 5 minutes (or more) later if she answered the phone. She's had nosy, non-of her business conversations with MY friends when they call me before she ever tells me the call is for me. If I get call when we're watching tv, I have to leave the room to talk because she just keeps turning up the volume on the tv till I can't hear my call, yet she comes in and talks on the phone and I better not even dare to turn up the tv. When I want to have a personal, private conversation, I leave the house and go sit outside to have some privacy. Well, there is no privacy for me here. If I'm not back almost immediately, she follows me and finds 'something' to do where I am so that she can not only eavesdrop, but give me her comments on MY conversation while I'm still trying to have a conversation. A closed bedroom door means nothing here. She's gone thru my closet, my laundry, gives comments on anything of mine she happens to see. It's like living in prison in a really nice environment. I take that back, when I worked in a prison, the offenders had more privacy than I do, at least no one just walked in on THEM when they were trying to take a shower!

I think the kicker was when we were grocery shopping and I put some batteries into MY basket of stuff. She asked me why I needed batteries, and when I failed to answer she said (in that oh so loud tone mothers have perfected to embarrass their children) that I must need it for that 'nasty vibrating thing' I have IN THE CLOSED BOX ON MY DRESSER! Know what? She was right!

So if anyone reading this thinks I'm lucky to live in paradise... wanna trade?