Why is it that something that seems so obvious to me seems so difficult to understand for others???
Lately, I've been thinking about the differences between what makes a 'truly dominant man', a 'bully', and a 'partner in the lifestyle'. Now to me these are obvious, they're just so different how could anyone confuse them????
A truly dominant man is just a man who doesn't have a wimpy bone in his body. His brain just functions in a dominant mode. He sees his role in life to be that of leader, not follower. He takes the needs and feelings of other people into consideration, and he makes what he thinks is the right decision for everyone in the long run. He sets expectations based on what he wants, but does them in a way that is respectful. He sets deadlines that while not necessarily easy, are achievable, he wants you to succeed because it doesn't just make him look good, it makes you look good too.
A bully is a man who sees himself as dominant but doesn't take into consideration the feelings / thoughts / concerns of the other people in his universe. He's that boss who makes stupid deadlines just to be able to yell at you when you don't met them. He's that 'DOM' who talks to you like you're just some lesser being... a submissive... SHUDDER! He sees his power coming from what he can 'make' you do, not what you do out of respect for him. He shuts up long enough to allow you to talk, but then ignores everything you just said and does things his way... all the while saying "but didn't I listen to you? Now I'm the Dom / HOH and that means we do things my way".
A partner is this amazing man. He's as naturally dominant as you are naturally submissive. He encourages you to grow and discover yourself while reaping the benefits. He definitely enjoys getting his own way, but 'winning' isn't his goal in life... he doesn't measure his dominance by how often he wins. He's got the ability to laugh one minute, then give you 'the look' the next if you take it too far. He doesn't hold you close at night simply to have easier access.
The Internet is full of bullies who call themselves Dom's. They're not hard to recognize when you talk to them. They want to be addressed as Sir or Master because they view it as their right, not as a title of respect that they should earn from you. They talk to you as if you're just some interchangeable 'sub', not as a person with her own thoughts and feelings and wants from the lifestyle. They expect you to conform to their view of the lifestyle without consideration of what it is you're wanting to get from it.
There's a very fine line between dominant man and bully, it's a line of respect and consideration. I really wish these men who view themselves as Dom's would stop and see which side of that line we read them as being on :(
Lately, I've been thinking about the differences between what makes a 'truly dominant man', a 'bully', and a 'partner in the lifestyle'. Now to me these are obvious, they're just so different how could anyone confuse them????
A truly dominant man is just a man who doesn't have a wimpy bone in his body. His brain just functions in a dominant mode. He sees his role in life to be that of leader, not follower. He takes the needs and feelings of other people into consideration, and he makes what he thinks is the right decision for everyone in the long run. He sets expectations based on what he wants, but does them in a way that is respectful. He sets deadlines that while not necessarily easy, are achievable, he wants you to succeed because it doesn't just make him look good, it makes you look good too.
A bully is a man who sees himself as dominant but doesn't take into consideration the feelings / thoughts / concerns of the other people in his universe. He's that boss who makes stupid deadlines just to be able to yell at you when you don't met them. He's that 'DOM' who talks to you like you're just some lesser being... a submissive... SHUDDER! He sees his power coming from what he can 'make' you do, not what you do out of respect for him. He shuts up long enough to allow you to talk, but then ignores everything you just said and does things his way... all the while saying "but didn't I listen to you? Now I'm the Dom / HOH and that means we do things my way".
A partner is this amazing man. He's as naturally dominant as you are naturally submissive. He encourages you to grow and discover yourself while reaping the benefits. He definitely enjoys getting his own way, but 'winning' isn't his goal in life... he doesn't measure his dominance by how often he wins. He's got the ability to laugh one minute, then give you 'the look' the next if you take it too far. He doesn't hold you close at night simply to have easier access.
The Internet is full of bullies who call themselves Dom's. They're not hard to recognize when you talk to them. They want to be addressed as Sir or Master because they view it as their right, not as a title of respect that they should earn from you. They talk to you as if you're just some interchangeable 'sub', not as a person with her own thoughts and feelings and wants from the lifestyle. They expect you to conform to their view of the lifestyle without consideration of what it is you're wanting to get from it.
There's a very fine line between dominant man and bully, it's a line of respect and consideration. I really wish these men who view themselves as Dom's would stop and see which side of that line we read them as being on :(
10 comments:
That might be the best description of a dominant I have ever read. Bravo!
Thank you. I just wish I didn't know the differences from having met too many of the wrong ones.
~ Terri
LOL. I guess I didn't think of it that way.
I agree with Dante...great post! xxx
Great post. Very thoughtful.
Biggest thanks to you for posting this, and secondarily, thanks to Dante for allowing me to find you because of this post!
I love the whole post, but the part that spoke most intimately to me is this, "He's got the ability to laugh one minute, then give you 'the look' the next if you take it too far. He doesn't hold you close at night simply to have easier access."
Bravo to you! And what a beautiful blog you have, too!
Hugs and grins and bounces!
Yes, it's hard to meet a truly dominant man. Many just hide their weakness behind "dom's behaviour". A pure joy to submit to a real dom and such a frustration to deal with a bully.
Great post :)
This is great, I wish people who "want to be" "subs" would read it before entering into a relationship. My husband writes for fun as if he were a bit harsher than he is (he's strict, but no big deal as long as you follow rules - of the house not rules of the dominant for the sake of domination), but he's as you described. In fact, I love being submissive toward him BECAUSE of all this - I respect him and when he praises me, I just melt. A man who is the "dom" you describe is a great and honorable man. I, too, question the others, and often ask Caesar why they are like that and how we are like them, yet nothing like them. Thank you, Cleo
Very true and thoughtful post, you're so right :)
Husband mentioned your post to me. I am a dominant woman and think you can easily change the roles in your entry. The dominant partner has a big responsibility to find the right balance, being strict but never harsh. And always with this thought in mind to make the whole relationship stronger.
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