Random thoughts from recent days

I know I haven't been around here much lately, and I'll blame it mostly on a lack of time with enough privacy to come here and be honest.

Working midnights doesn't allow for a lot of free time to do the things I'd like to do, but usually I have thoughts running through my head I'd really like to come here and put down 'on paper'.

Back in October I found out J was reading this blog, almost daily reading it! I found this out when I got an email from him in response to a blog post where I listed some of the things from our relationship I was missing. His email prompted a phone call from me, and we talked for almost an hour. We agree to exchange emails and see each other when he was down here Thanksgiving week. Let's just say he kept neither promise he made to me during that phone call. I'd thought that his lack of keeping his word would have crushed me, but I was surprised to find I wasn't hurt by what he was doing, but by the fact that I realized this was his pattern of behavior for the last 5+ years. Our relationship was stagnant because HE is stagnant. He's not a person capable of sharing himself emotionally, yet he's smart enough to know how to do and say the right thing at the right time to keep getting away with keeping a women at arms length and waiting. I realized it wasn't just me he'd done this to, but all the women in his life. I'm a woman who when I give myself to a man, I give myself totally. I feel disappointed in myself for not realizing what his pattern was years earlier.

And to J... STOP READING HERE! I know you've read here again. You're not part of my life anymore, so please just go away and stay away!

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If you want the perfect Christmas present, buy it for yourself LOL! I wanted 3 things for Christmas, a smaller digital camera (I have a semi-professional one that's amazing, but not 'small'), a new ring to replace one I no longer wear, and a portable/personal DVD player. Black Friday I got a really nice Kodak digital camera on sale, 2 weeks ago I got a beautiful blue topaz ring, and after plenty of research I got a Sony, 8", DVD player. To anyone looking to buy one of these portable DVD players, pay close attention to the charged-life of the battery. The average is 2-2.5 hours, which may not be long enough to watch the DVD you want to watch when traveling! The Sony one I got has a charged-life of 6 hours! The screen pivots and lays flat, it comes with the accessories to connect it to a tv, and the A/C and car charger. The only two things it doesn't come with are a carrycase and DVD's LOL!

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I think it's time for me to find a new man.

One friend suggests I find a new 'buddy' for fun only. Other's suggest I just date around. A 'buddy' isn't my style, if all I wanted was sex it wouldn't have been 10 months and counting since I've had any. And dating for the sake of dating it's my style either. I'm 46 now, I want to find someone to spend the rest of my life with. I want to find a man who is tall and strong, both physically and emotionally. I want him to enjoy laughing as much as he enjoys 'growling' at me ( I love that gruff tone a man can get WEG!). Of course he's got to be willing to put up with my needs too... the need to spoil him and be spoiled in return, the need to serve and be serviced sexually as often as possible, the need to make sure he always knows he's cared about while he's making sure I always know he cares in return.

So if you happen to know this man, and he lives in SW Florida, EMAIL ME asap LOL!!!

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As much as my job bores me senseless, I'm grateful to have a job in this economy. Everyday I hear the numbers on unemployment and am glad I have a job, any job. When things start to swing upwards again, I'll go out and find a job that requires more of me than an ability to stay awake when normal people are sleeping. I miss using my brain, but at least I don't have to worry about ending up homeless. Life isn't about what you have, but how grateful you are for it! I may not have everything I want, but I am grateful for what I do have in a time when so many have so little.

HO! HO! HO!

I've got a million things to blog about, but hardly any time to do it. I promise I'll be back SOON to do it, but for now, here's a semi-boring meme LOL...

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1. Is sex best in the morning, afternoon, or night?
– All of the above. With the right person there’s no wrong time!

2. On which side of the bed do you sleep?
– If you’re facing the bed you’ll find me on the left side

3. Pork, beef, or chicken?
– Thick-cut pork chop, T-bone or KFC? All of the above!

4. Have you ever had to pull over on the side of the road to puke?
– Only after drugs for an MRI

5. What leg do you put in pants first when putting them on?
– Both.

6. Candles or incense?
– Candles are romantic and smell good, incense reminds me of when I was trying to cover the smell of something else I’d ‘burned’ in the room (way back when lol)

7. Do you dance when no one is watching?
– Definitely

8. Did you play doctor when you were little?
– No

9. Stove top cooking, grill or microwave?
– Grill

10. Would you rather your car or your house be dirty?
– Car

11. Shower or bath?
– Shower if I’m in a hurry, bubble bath to pamper myself

12. Do you pee in the shower?
– Eww! No!

13. Mexican or Chinese food?
– Mexican… yum!

14. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
– Aggressive I guess, definitely not passive, prefer ‘assertive’ WEG!

15. Do you own sex toys?
– I wish I owned stock in Duracell!

16. Corn dogs or hot dogs?
– Neither, I can’t stand hot dogs no matter what you cover them in

17. Your favorite restaurant?
– I haven’t found one here

18. What did you have for lunch today?
– With my work schedule, I eat ‘lunch’ at 3am. Today it will be roast beef and garlic mashed potatoes (dinner leftovers lol)

19. When did you last fall down?
– About a month ago when my back went out, I fell trying to get out of the shower

20. Have you ever wished someone were dead?
– Not proud of it, but yes

21. Love or money?
– Love

22. Credit cards or cash?
– Cash

23. Has there ever been anyone in your family you wish wasn’t?
– I should have been an only child, what a shame my parents had 2 other children after me!

24. Oreo’s or vanilla wafers?
– Depends on my mood. They’ve changed vanilla wafers, so they’re not my first choice anymore.

25. How do you like your steak cooked?
– Medium well. No pink.

26. How do you like your eggs cooked?
– I don’t much care how you cook them so long as the whites are firm and the yellows are warm/hot and runny!

27. Have you ever knocked someone off their feet in a fight?
– Sadly yes. Shouldn’t the things we do when we’re 18 should be wiped out of memories when we ‘grow – up’?

28. Would you rather go camping or to a five star hotel?
– Room service vs bugs and dirt? I like being spoiled, so how about a six star hotel? LOL!

29. Would you rather have a root canal or minor surgery?
– Definitely surgery

30. Would you shave your entire body (including your head) for money?
– For enough money I’d do it… heck, I shave everything but my head for free, so why not?

31. Would you rather have lice or an STD?
– No, no, no!!! Went through the lice – thing with my kids when they were in elementary school, I’d rather have nearly anything but lice!

32. What’s your favorite hard candy?
– Life Savers

33. Ever been to a strip club?
– Yup

34. Ever been to a bar?
– Yes

35. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club?
– Yes, see question #27

36. Ever been so drunk you had to be carried out of somewhere?
– No

37. Kissed someone of the same sex?
– Yes

38. Had sex in the car?
– Yes, not an experience I’d like to repeat unless it’s a van or SUV!

39. Had sex at the beach?
– No

40. Had sex in a movie theater?
– No

41. Had sex in a bathroom?
– Yes, in the shower.

42. Have you ever been in an "adult" store?
– Many.

43. Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with?
– Umm, yeah.

44. Have you been caught having sex?
– Never caught, but definitely ‘interrupted’ when almost caught!

45. Have you ever kissed a stranger?
– Yes, he became my ex – husband… No more kissing strangers for me LOL!

46. Does anyone have naughty pictures of you?
– Pictures, no. Unless he erased it, video – yes WEG!