A very chilly Sunday!

Wow it was chilly here last night!!! It got down to 50F!!! Yeah, I know, I'm a wimp LOL!!! But Saturday the high here was in the mid 80's (with a 'feels like' of over 90F), and currently it's a whomping 60F and breezy!!! I've left my bathroom window open for weeks, and this morning 2 of the houseplants in there were all shriveled and dead from getting too cold :(

I went with CR to the movies today. We went to see The Changeling...

... It was wonderful!! Anyone who hasn't seen it yet I highly recommend it, and suggest that if you go to see it that you hit the bathroom before you find your seat, and DON'T get the large pop LOL! There's no point in this movie when you won't miss something important to the story if you have to make a bathroom run! We saw it at the 9:35am showing and had the entire theater to ourselves! Gotta tell ya, I LIKE having my pick of seats and being able to talk to my movie-mate and not have anyone shushing us... or eavesdropping on 'interesting' chatter WEG!

I don't get out often enough, especially not to just bop around and 'windowshop' to my hearts content. I think I went to 20 stores today, and aside from groceries at Publix, the biggest purchase I made today was a bunch of starter house plants. I like having living plants around me, and the temperate weather and amount of sunshine here has them growing like weeds! Tomorrow I have 12 'baby' plants to put into pots and find homes for around the house. Not all 12 are new, I had some of them just waiting to get stronger before I transplanted them, but tomorrow is definately going to be a dirt-under-the-fingernails day :)

My back is still messed up, but a LOT better then it was 2 weeks ago!!! I can atleast walk upright now... even if I do walk slow LOL! I had my back-support brace off most of today, and it's aching like a bad toothache right now, but I'll take aching over shooting pain any day of the week :)

Little did I know...

... that when I moved to Paradise I'd end up living in Hell!

I moved away from snow and a crummy job. Where I live now has beautiful weather, sunshine and beaches. Little did I know that living with my mother would be torture, hell on earth almost every day.

She asked me to move here, I didn't invite myself. Before I agreed to move here we agreed she wouldn't be my 'mother', she'd be my roommate. HA!!! When she's not treating me like I'm 3 years old, she's acting like she is!

I all but get reminded to wipe my own butt!! Today I got reminded that I need to do laundry. When I said I'd done my laundry on Sunday, she literally came in to see how much was in my laundry basket! Never mind that it's none of her business when I need to do laundry, I mean I am smart enough to know when I'm running out of clean panties all by myself, but to actually come in a check?? GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Because I work from 11pm to 7am, on the first day of the week that I'm going to work I lay down to take a nap in the afternoon. Forgetting I'd been laid up in bed with my back out for most of the day, at 4pm I was talking to her and said I was going to try to take a nap now. She headed to another part of the house and I closed my eyes. I guess I was pretty tired because the next thing I knew she's standing over me jostling my HIP to wake me up. Apparently she'd gotten a phone call and didn't know the answer to the callers question, so therefore I had to be woken up to tell her what the answer was. Two major problem with this, 1) I had no idea what she was talking about let alone the answer to the question, but 2) IT WAS 4:30!!!! I'd gotten to sleep for a whole whopping 30 minutes!! I bit my lip for at least 5 minutes while I PATIENTLY explained I had no way to know that it was she wanted me to tell her, when I said that maybe the next time she could tell a caller that she wanted to ask me and would call them back?!?!?! Oh yeah, THIS resulted in huffing and puffing and my bedroom door being slammed shut hard enough it knocked something off the top of my tv.

She has apparently decided she wants to clean the carpet on the lanai this coming weekend. She decided this yesterday, when I'm laid up in bed almost totally unable to move. She goes on and on about how dirty the carpet in there must be and how it 'just has to be' cleaned immediately, but... since I have to work and sleep she supposes she'll have to live 'with the dirt' till the weekend... and then I get pouty 'tude about how she supposes I'll just lay and watch her work due to my back!!!!!!!! Hello??? Oh, did I miss the part where I somehow knew she was going to pick this weekend to clean the carpet and therefore intentionally threw out my back to mess up her internal timeline?

Everyday is a new something for her to pick about. She misplaces something, she immediately asks ME where I put it, and when it's located in HER stuff she literally sulks!!! No 'gee sorry', no 'oups'... somehow she finds a way to sulk and act like it's my fault she can't find something SHE misplaced.

One day she'd like me to do something because I know how to do it better than she does (her words, not mine!), then the next day I'm too stupid to know whether or not I took the trash can to the curb that morning. By the way, instead of looking out the front wall on windows in the room she's in, or out the open door to the garage where you would normally see the trashcan, she calls my name and makes me come to her and then asks me if I took out the trash can. Ummm, you can see it 20 feet away, in the sunshine, by the curb, by simply looking left vs right!!! I've given up on pointing this out to her because then I get muttered comments about apparently being 'too busy' to just do what she tells me to.

The examples above are literally things that have happened this week (and it's only Wednesday!). Every week, every day has it's own example. There are days when I'd sell my body for enough money to have a car, simply so I could go away and live in it vs living with this pettiness every single day.

When I get a phone call, I find out 5 minutes (or more) later if she answered the phone. She's had nosy, non-of her business conversations with MY friends when they call me before she ever tells me the call is for me. If I get call when we're watching tv, I have to leave the room to talk because she just keeps turning up the volume on the tv till I can't hear my call, yet she comes in and talks on the phone and I better not even dare to turn up the tv. When I want to have a personal, private conversation, I leave the house and go sit outside to have some privacy. Well, there is no privacy for me here. If I'm not back almost immediately, she follows me and finds 'something' to do where I am so that she can not only eavesdrop, but give me her comments on MY conversation while I'm still trying to have a conversation. A closed bedroom door means nothing here. She's gone thru my closet, my laundry, gives comments on anything of mine she happens to see. It's like living in prison in a really nice environment. I take that back, when I worked in a prison, the offenders had more privacy than I do, at least no one just walked in on THEM when they were trying to take a shower!

I think the kicker was when we were grocery shopping and I put some batteries into MY basket of stuff. She asked me why I needed batteries, and when I failed to answer she said (in that oh so loud tone mothers have perfected to embarrass their children) that I must need it for that 'nasty vibrating thing' I have IN THE CLOSED BOX ON MY DRESSER! Know what? She was right!

So if anyone reading this thinks I'm lucky to live in paradise... wanna trade?

Sciatica

Well, it's happened again, my back has got out. It started to bother me last Thursday, and I was managing to pamper it into not becoming worse. Then yesterday when I had Maxx at the vet, it locked up and went totally out. My right hip is acting up now, and I'd really like to have a rx for some pretty decent pain drugs and a muscle relaxer!!! I'm going to head to the hot tub around 6pm and hope that some heat therapy will make it feel good enough to get me thru work tonight. I had the chance to work last night, but had to turn it down because I simply couldn't move.

Well, poor Maxx is neutered!!! It was when I lifted him up onto the exam table at the vets that my back went out (and he only weights 11.1 pounds!). Mom went with me to pick him up in the afternoon since I couldn't lift him up to even put him into the car for the ride home. He slept most of the day, and when he wasn't sleeping he was whimpering and looking at where his 'boo boo' is. Poor baby, he'd look there, give it a lick and then look at me like 'what did they do with it?'. I had to put one of those silly halo's on him for awhile becuase he was licking too much and while they stitched the 'inner' wound closed, they only super glued the surface area.

I sent an email the other day that I was glad I sent. Problem is I haven't heard a response to the email yet, and the more time goes by the more I'm wondering if I didn't make a mistake in sending it in the first place. I could have written the email easily, only easy wouldn't have been honest. Instead I wrote a very honest email and waiting to hear a response to it is driving me insane.

Well, my back is telling me I've been gone from the heating pad and bed more than long enough. I have got to get to work tonight, so I've got to spend as much time pampering my back between now and then as I can.

Sleepless in Paradise

Grrr! I can't sleep!!! I was up at 6:30 this morning after getting less than 4 hours of sleep last night and it's now after 1am, why oh why am I wide awake??? Around 3 this afternoon I got tired and thought of laying down to take a nap, but decided to resist the urge. My thought was that by being awake long enough I'd SLEEP tonight, really sleep, the restful, deep, peaceful type. Instead it's 1:05am (or 2:05am according to my body) and I'm wide awake!!!

I have actually slept deeply, if not 'longly', for the last couple of nights/days. I'm starting to find peace of mind over something that has bothered me for a long time, and that peace of mind definitely translated into my sleep improving.

Until tonight :(

I want to go to sleep. I want to dream and wake up feeling rested again. Being awake has be over-thinking things in my head again, and that's definitely not conducive to my getting to sleep any time soon.

Part of what's bothering me is worrying over friends. One is going thru panic attack issues, and I feel for him and his wife. I know from experience how hard this can be for both partners to deal with. Another is facing some serious financial issues. It's one of those times when you'd like to win the lottery so you can help someone who truly deserves to be helped, yet since I haven't won the lottery there's nothing I can do but try to be there and listen. Another friend has ended her marriage and seems to be having way too much fun! Not that I don't think she deserves to have as much fun as possible, I just wonder how much of her fun is to keep from feeling the things I'm pretty sure she's feeling. When I think my life is messed-up, I think of them and know things could be worse for me. Yet in a way I'm also kinda jealous, because no matter how hard life is for them right now, they each have loving partners to go thru this with. No matter how today went for them, right now they're all curled up in bed beside someone who loves them, and I'm sleeping alone in a king size bed.

I have an email I'm supposed to be writing for someone. What I'm supposed to be writing about should be a snap for me to do, but it's actually turning out to be really hard. I know how I want to write it, what I want to say, but I'm not sure if in doing that I'm being honest. What was, isn't now, so do I write based on the way things used to be or based on the confusion I feel now. Do I write my fantasy, my 'happy', or do I admit I'm scared? Do I write that I don't know what will happen, what I want is what was, but I'm afraid of what has changed. Maybe I'll write my 'happy' and hope that the email makes the receiver realize that 'happy' is a good thing.

Well, I'm going to go cuddle with Maxx now and hope his sleeping makes me sleepy too LOL! Poor baby gets neutered on Monday... hope he forgives me!